Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
don't judge my taste in strippers
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize