u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
