We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
