I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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