I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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