i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
