Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
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Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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