Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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