Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
