I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
