Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
