We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
