he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
