nut hugger
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
