don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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