Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
