pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
