i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
