What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
