I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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