If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
