How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
