Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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