Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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