Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
