Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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