you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
