Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
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