Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
