positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
