she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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