so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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