There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
