i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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