He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
