I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just googled if crying burns calories
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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