she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
