If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
