DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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