Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
