jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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