I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Less talking, more tequila
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
