Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
