dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just want nice things and good sex
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
