and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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