this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Mom said you looked used
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
