I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
as a side note pls kill me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
