I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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