is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
