I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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