so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
