Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
