I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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