dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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