I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
