I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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