I hate all girls vehemently.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
