it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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