On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
