I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
