Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
