i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
