i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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