I feel like I'm in dance class right now
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
