my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
