His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize