OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
