Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
