Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
