R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
