I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
