I'm gonna have a badass scar
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
