Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
