Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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